Stacy...Sensibly Insane


I have my own little world, but it's okay - they know me here.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

The Fickle Muse



Why is it that my muse chooses the most inopportune times to get creative? You know, like 2am, or while driving, or when there is no chance in H-double-hockey-sticks to take time out to get the good stuff written down.

Does she come when the children are sleeping? No. Does she grace me when I have a whole hour to myself while the hubby is keeping the boys busy? No. Does she come when I know there is deadline due and I want to be way ahead of it for a change? No.

Oh I've done the notes on napkins, have stolen paper out of my nieces' notebooks while at a family gathering, used the back of receipts, beg, borrowed, and stole for a pen, and even once used my arm because the phrasing that I had been fighting suddenly, and most inopportunely, became clear as day and I was terrified I'd forget it. I've woken my husband up in the middle of the night with my little flashlight and notepad too...only he fell right back to sleep and even when I'd purged the creative ideas onto paper, I still lay there replaying the scene over and over.

But again, do the words come when I really want them to?
No.
Nada.
Zilch.
Zero.

Frustrating doesn't begin to describe how I feel staring at a half finished paragraph and thinking it really sucks and is not saying what I want at all. The rare times I can get it down right, it's a high better than any drug off the street. And I guess that's the point of it. No matter how frustrating and insane it gets, I want that feeling...just a taste of the power that comes from getting it just right. Thus addicted, I put up with the fickle muse and she knows it. She knows it and uses it against me to play her games and watch me squirm all the while knowing that I have no choice but to play along for that one, brief, shining moment of pure clarity.
Posted by Stacy Dawn :: 5:06 PM :: 1 comments

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